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Posts Tagged ‘God rocks’

I am convinced that I write better when I am tired. In the daytime, I can hardly get my brain to write a couple of paragraphs. But at night, I can see with outstanding vision all that needs to be done and how to do it. I can stay focused for hours, producing quality work.

In one of my favorite book series, Artemis Fowl, the twelve-year-old genius says that he is the perfect person to pull off a certain well… fairy kidnapping (but you have to read the series to understand) because he is young enough to believe in magic, but old enough to know how to use it. I think that I work better at night because I am tired enough that I can harness the dream-like energy and non-restrictive atmosphere, but awake enough to control it for a useful purpose. And it helps that sleeping isn’t pleasant, so I like to stay up.

I went to my doctor’s office this morning (I go every three weeks) and reported that instead of procrastinating and ignoring my ‘homework’ I had done it all. The stretching, the medicine to help me swallow, even contacting the specialist I was supposed to contact. During the school semester I got a pass from such ‘homework’ because she knew how busy I was. That pass has officially run out.

Instead of getting a ‘good job; now take it easy,’ I got a ‘let’s start you on special diets and have you sit on a funny ball when you write’. Yay. Not. Let’s just say I’m not thrilled at the prospect of becoming ‘the’ patient again. I was that patient in high school. Never missed a time I was supposed to be stretching. In PT three times a week. Eat what I’m supposed to. Take what I’m supposed to. Drive to Massachusetts to find help. Talk to the doctors. Explain again and again and again how my life was ripped apart and then find that the doctors couldn’t understand because I smiled too much. How can you smile too much???

Well I can do it. I can be the best patient ever. But honestly, I don’t want to be. I was hoping this summer to ignore doctors orders and travel when I wanted to, play music how I wanted to, go out to dinner with friends, have some semblance of the normality that I missed in high school.

And yet as I sit here lamenting a summer that will be dedicated to yet again searching for the mysterious answers to why I’m abnormal (my friends could offer a few guesses I’m sure), I can’t help but reflect on how some of the best parts of my life happened because I was abnormal. I have certain friends who I can only understand because I’ve done the doctor thing. Passions have developed that would have been (and were) overshadowed by my love of music. My choice of college; of friends; of career; of bed (temperpedic!); of car… its all been affected by the pain that I live in. At the moments that I lose things, I don’t like it. I can’t see how it can possibly be used for good. But I have seen in my life that when something I value perishes, God helps me find joy in something new. And the adventure that He has taken me on I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I don’t often do ‘the patient’ blogs, because I don’t want my character to be tied to that. I would much rather be known as the passionate follower of Jesus who writes books, encourages youth and runs a publishing company. But if I don’t get honest at some point and say, “I am weak; God is strong!” then how can God’s power be made perfect in my weakness (as 2nd Corinthians 12:9 says)?

So here’s me telling the world that my God rocks.

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