Posts Tagged ‘God’

After the draining Lyme appointments of yesterday I decided to cut my trip a bit short and head back to Maine this afternoon. I was already fatigued enough to feel the tears, but when I heard about the events in Newtown they just started coming out. The adults; the children… I think of those kids so full of dreams and potential. The ballet performances they might have been preparing for; the political speeches they might one day have given; the books they might have written; the mission fields they would have impacted; the presents waiting for them under the tree. I did not, I do not, know how to pray for their families adequately. I cannot fathom their sorrow. Children have a unique place in my heart. I wanted to throw up. Despite the fact that I was traveling a road I had gone down many times (and using a GPS), I got lost twice on my drive from New York. Eventually, I was so shaken I had to pull over.

In between segments of inescapable news, songs like Frosty the Snowman played and that seemed even more wrong. I prayed; I wept; I asked God to teach me how to process the news.  It was especially bitter that this event at Sandy Hook Elementary happened around Christmastime.

Then God reminded me that it is because of events like this that Christmas matters. It was to redeem us from the sin and death and sorrow in the world that Christ came. We think of those children as innocent; look what an innocent Savior died on the cross. We think there is no hope; Christmas is all about hope: the fulfilment of a promise and new promise that Jesus would return. Since Eden, death and loss and sin have been a part of our world, but that has never been something God has wanted or simply allowed to happen without a fight. He has fought, He is fighting, and He will fight for us. Through Christ, He has been working out a plan. Sending His own innocent Son to face persecution, hardship, and death, God offered us redemption. He knows the pain of these families in Newtown; He cares. If anything, Christmas and Christ should remind us of this. I do not yet know how to pray for the families who lost loved ones, but I will still pray and God–Who understands–will hear.

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My mother often tells me that she would “rather have half of me than all of anyone else”. It’s a nice complement and important as I’m halved by sickness so often. I think I get what she means after today.

It has been weeks since I have been able to truly work on writing. I wrote a little (and Monday night a lot) in sick-induced stupors, but that was all. Today I was called to fill in for my friend at her laundry, as I do about every other week. With as sick as I have been and so much other work to do I figured today would be another day of complete unproductivity in regard to writing. At the laundry things were slow and I did remarkable work on Xsardis. After work I had lunch with my mom, read a proposed manuscript, finished a big portion of Xsardis, and began another portion (officially I am in the homestretch now!), finishing tonight with hanging with my nephews and mapping out Xsardis to catch glitches. I accomplished more today than I should have in a forty hour week. Combined with the other minor things I have gotten done in the last week, my halved-self actually accomplished what I needed to and much, much more than I should have under normal conditions.

So in purely fact-based productivity, I can still accomplish life even when I have a cold or my inflammation is going wild or my pain is skyrocketing. It’s a nice thing to learn! I can only praise God for the life He has given me. Despite the struggle of humanity, I am blessed beyond measure. His strength is truly made perfect in weakness! I don’t want to be half me and half God. I want my identity to be in Christ, as the John Waller song says.

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