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Posts Tagged ‘sickness’

For four days I have left you. Four days for a more noble cause than usual. I have been writing. Back to the drawing board with my novel, a fresh Word document before me. I keep from the first, failed, half-finished draft only that which makes the story soar. My novel and my soul are better for it. For four days I have written, indulged in the Psalms as a refuge from the swirling words of the Lure of Lemons, been rigorous about taking all medicines (new and old, prescription and supplemental), and tackled my wild life into submission.

Patient friends who sought me out through mid-November to mid-January are finally getting a little more of the attention they deserve. Precious family members are finally the confidants they ought to have always been. Life, slowly, is beginning to make sense. As if I am coming out of the fog of illness that was my life.

But my room already begins to show signs of sickness again. An unkempt desk, a chair that houses lost objects, and a dryer sheet too far down on the floor to bear picking up. This time, it’s not the bitter surges of Babesiosis that strikes me. Just a common cold. The kind that makes you drink too much tea and turns your nose raw. It’s quite the relief to feel normal sick. My head might seem a little fuzzy, but its the physical kind of fuzzy that is not nearly so alarming.

Sister Kate and I pulled into the mall parking lot today and just sat for a long time. She shared Jeremiah 29:11, a verse we all have heard too much (if that’s even possible when it comes to Scripture). But instead of focusing on the ‘prosper’ part, she highlighted, “For I know the plans I have for you…” (ESV). God knows the plan. It’s in His mighty, wondrous, talented hands. So sick with Babesious or sick with the common cold or starkly healthy, I’m in the book that He is writing.

And it is far better than any story I could ever craft.

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My mother often tells me that she would “rather have half of me than all of anyone else”. It’s a nice complement and important as I’m halved by sickness so often. I think I get what she means after today.

It has been weeks since I have been able to truly work on writing. I wrote a little (and Monday night a lot) in sick-induced stupors, but that was all. Today I was called to fill in for my friend at her laundry, as I do about every other week. With as sick as I have been and so much other work to do I figured today would be another day of complete unproductivity in regard to writing. At the laundry things were slow and I did remarkable work on Xsardis. After work I had lunch with my mom, read a proposed manuscript, finished a big portion of Xsardis, and began another portion (officially I am in the homestretch now!), finishing tonight with hanging with my nephews and mapping out Xsardis to catch glitches. I accomplished more today than I should have in a forty hour week. Combined with the other minor things I have gotten done in the last week, my halved-self actually accomplished what I needed to and much, much more than I should have under normal conditions.

So in purely fact-based productivity, I can still accomplish life even when I have a cold or my inflammation is going wild or my pain is skyrocketing. It’s a nice thing to learn! I can only praise God for the life He has given me. Despite the struggle of humanity, I am blessed beyond measure. His strength is truly made perfect in weakness! I don’t want to be half me and half God. I want my identity to be in Christ, as the John Waller song says.

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